Recently, I have read varying articles denoting the difference between self-compassion and self-confidence. In my mindfulness practice, I’ve noticed that many students dislike who they are, are tough on themselves, and subsequently suffer the consequences of self-loathing, competitiveness with peers, and sometimes in extreme cases struggle with eating disorders because they are not good enough.
While self-esteem uses social comparison with others, self-compassion is an inner practice which essentially involves being kind to yourself in moments of struggle, hardship, and offering yourself empathy and love, just as you would to a friend enduring a difficult time.
This prompted me to read Dr. Kristen Neff’s book, Self Compassion. She avidly and extensively researches and discusses the benefits of self- compassion, and the significant reduction in anxiety and depression. She mentions that self-comapssion is not pity or indulgence, but rather extending a gentle kindness to yourself. She writes;
“Instead of mercilessly judging and criticizing yourself for various inadequacies or shortcomings, self-compassion means you are kind and understanding when confronted with personal failings – after all, who ever said you were supposed to be perfect?Instead of mercilessly judging and criticizing yourself for various inadequacies or shortcomings, self-compassion means you are kind and understanding when confronted with personal failings – after all, who ever said you were supposed to be perfect?”
In a classroom setting, teaching students to be compassionate towards themselves is vital. How many times have you heard your kids ( and by kids I mean students — this is a term teachers often use to describe their classes) put themselves down? Exude frustration, anger, disappointment, and resentment? Pay attention to their speech. Self-compassion begins with the simple understanding that all humans have suffering.
In my classroom, I utilize one simple statement to help students convey self-compassion. Here it is:
” This is really difficult right now. How can I comfort and care for myself in this moment?”
Have you looked into self-compassion? Do you think your students suffer from lack of compassion? Here is Dr. Kristen Neff’s website as well as her ted-talk. Let discuss how we can shift students self-perception and help them thrive.
http://self-compassion.org/